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C.M.'s avatar

Powerfully presented - thank you. I often wonder whether some of what we “tolerate” is based on our calculation of the odds of finding anything different anywhere else. Obviously there are extremes, but we often move on from some situations only to land somewhere else with the same behavior just a different person. The reduction of everything to human nature can be boring, but there is truth in it too. Thanks again — I will read Parfit.

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WWHIM's avatar

Thank you. Something like this has been knocking around in my head for a bit. I’ve read this over 3 times and will likely read it again as it is helping me get closer to what feels like a real mess in my head.

I’ve spent 4 months this year living & working in a majority Muslim country where everyone actively lives a pre determined life. It feels impossible and pointless to stand up for myself and others (and sometimes just to say and do normal things) because it seems that nothing matters, there aren’t consequences. But I feel diminished by my own behavior or reaction. So much of my brain is being used up trying to understand the thoughts, actions, intentions of the people I’m working that I’m basically apologizing for them.

Thanks. I will keep reading this post over and over. And I look forward to your new book.

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Catherine Lacey's avatar

I highly recommend Parfit's work but and maybe some of the writing about Jungian cultural complexes for both understanding and complicating your understanding of why people are the way they are. And thank you for reading & sharing this.

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One Brilliant Arc (OBA)'s avatar

Thank you for being brave and strong enough to share this story. You’re helping others who have gone through the same thing to find their voices, and clarity for what they experienced! 🖤

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Christina Catherine Martinez's avatar

Without any knowledge of the situation you’re referencing, I feel like I’m trying to write from a similar place and other people are constantly putting the victimhood lens on it, which is simply less interesting than the agency-apology dance. Which Parfit what would you say you benefited from / loved the most?

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